|"No Smoking, Estupido!" says Senora Health-Nut
||[Jan. 15th, 2006|10:11 pm]
You're only as old as you feel
|||||Whatever crap the boys are blasting||]|
First off, remind me not to adopt any more crazy teenage boys - not that the two nut-jobs I have now aren't just adorable. Don't get me wrong, I love them both to death - even if they are sharing a brain cell. They cracked into my liquor cabinet last night. Enough said right? I'm too old for this shit. Well, I guess I deserve it. My pop used to have to kick my scrawny ass for a lot worse. Now I have to kick two scrawny asses. That's life, right? That's parenthood. Kohl should have known better! He's the older one! Stunata! (roughly translated, crazy, or idiotic, for all you W.A.S.P.s out there.)
On another note, Paloma and I got into another one of our little tiffs today. Dr. Health Nut wants me to quit smoking. Yeah, I've been smoking since I was fifteen, and she wants me to quit now. Broads, right? Don't tie a noose for me, all you feminists out there. I love women. I'm crazy about Loma. She's just crzay - period. Yeah, yeah, I know, we live in a health-conscience world now. "No smoking," "no carbs", no whatever.
What the hell is that no carbs shit anyway?! What a crock! I never even heard of cutting "carbs" my whole life - and I'm older than M&Ms and thin as a damn rail! If people would just get their lazy asses off the sofa they wouldn't need a thousand diets just so they can gain all the damn weight back two lousy weeks later! F.U.B.A.R. - that's all it is. (look it up if you don't know what it means.) We didn't have any of this health fanatic shit while I was growing up. Everyone smoked when I was a kid! You weren't a man back then is you didn't have a stick of smoldering ash hanging from your lips. In fact, "back in my day," to coin the tired phrase, doctors used to just light up, right there in their offices. Stupid, right? Maybe so. But, this generation is a differernt kind of stupid. Sure, every generation is stupid in it's own way.
Cath is peeping over my shoulder and rolling his eyes now. Yeah, my boys get to hear all that "back in my day" jazz quite a lot. Hey, I suffered through it with my pop - "Well, Alfredo, back in the old country..." - I wanted to hang myself. You think I gave a rat's ass back then about what Pop did back in Sicily back in 1910, or what ever the hell it was? Well now it's my turn. Now I get to make MY boys suffer.
Any way, so Loma yells at me, "It's going to kill you, estupido!" Then she really lets me have it - in Spanish. (I guess to let me know she means business or something.) I just say, "Well, sweetheart, if it does kill me, I'll die 'muy contento'," In any case, my lovely wife wants me to join this "healthy" society. And don't get me wrong, I'd love to make her happy. That is, if I was about a billion years younger, I would. My lungs have gotta be black as coal, but what the hey. What good would quitting now do, really? I'm past the turning point, you know what I'm saying? My lungs are already damaged goods. Take them or leave them, know what I mean?
Of course Cath is with Loma all the way. Kohl too; the little mama's boy - but he really can't say shit to me - the little smoke-stack. the bad thing is, I really can't say shit to him either. I was smoking at a younger age than him, that's for sure. I'll just let his mother ride him on that one.
And now,some pearls of wisdom to all you kids out there: Don't smoke. You won't be able to go back. You'll end up with two black lungs and one nagging wife. And in time, they'll probably shove a damn tube down you thraot, or you'll have to talk through an atrificial voice box; or what ever the hell it is they do. So don't start. Well, I'll be a son of a bitch, I just did an anti-smoking commercial. How's that for "politically correct" eh?
Well, I'm gonna wrap it up here. Boy, this "on-line journal" sure is fun. Cath is gonna help me set up an "icon," or a picture for this thing.